In this episode, I share the part of my story where I was most angry at God. You might be surprised to hear that it was not when my unborn babies were diagnosed or in the grieving months that followed my losses but rather, a time when I felt like God owed something to me.
Through Jesus, I, a sinner, am made righteous before the Father. He traded the death and eternal punishment I deserved for eternal life.
God owed me nothing but gave me everything.
I had forgotten that God owed nothing to me and that even the breath in my lungs belonged to Him.
I am to live my life in sacrificial surrender to the Lord because of what He has done for me. As soon as I forget that, I begin to feel entitled to certain things in life.
I had been clinging to the desire for a healthy baby so tightly, probably throwing a spiritual tantrum. But before the Lord could bless me in that way, I needed to calm my heart and remember my place as a living sacrifice and be at peace with God's good and pleasing and perfect will, even if that meant no more babies.
This is not a formula for getting what you want but rather, a reminder to surrender to the Lord's will because He owed us nothing and yet gave us everything, which is far beyond what any of us deserve.